21 Questions to ask your spouse before the baby comes: For 1st Time Parents


So you’ve had the baby shower, bought extra diapers and decorated babies room ( and much more) but there is still one thing that you may or may not have forgotten. Sure you know where the baby will be delivered, and how -but do you know your partners views on important matters like blood transfusions and his or her expectations of you as a parent. I have compiled a list of questions I feel you should ask your spouse before the baby is born or even before you begin trying to conceive. WARNING: Asking all twenty one questions in one sitting may lead to blank stares and headaches. Expect possible arguments and temper tantrums.

  1. Care schedule (who will have the baby and during what hours?
  2. What boundaries will you set for family members and friends? (i.e. not touching baby’s face, no visitors after a certain time)
  3. When will you introduce the baby to family and friends?
  4. If you don’t plan on doing daycare what is the plan for little baby boy or girl to make friends?
  5. If you begin breastfeeding and decide it isn’t the best option how will you make that transition to formula ( or partially feed your baby formula) and vice versa
  6. If something were to happen to either of you who would care for the little guy or gal?
  7. Are you comfortable doing skin to skin(If you are breastfeeding the hospital will ask)see…this link for a description of skin to skin
  8. If we decided to end our relationship what would our custody agreement be?
  9. How do you feel about blood transfusions?( The hospital will ask during delivery)
  10. How will we financially care for the baby? What is our plan? (i.e. will you return to work after maternity leave? How can you fit the cost of daycare into the budget?)
  11. What do you expect of me as a parent? (i.e. what do you believe the role/duties of a mother/father to be?
  12. How do you feel about vaccination?
  13. How do you feel about co-sleeping and other options for baby sleeping?
  14. Which schooling option would you most prefer?
  15. How would you feel if somehow the doctor got the gender of the baby wrong and he is now a she or you end up with multiple births?
  16. How will you incorporate (or not incorporate) spirituality in his or her life?
  17. How would you feel about having additional children?
  18. How can I make the transition of parenting easier for you?
  19. How will you respond to the child’s negative behavior?
  20. When do you feel is the appropriate time or age to respond to that behavior through discipline?
  21. How do you think you would respond if our child was born transgender, or later professed to be homosexual or bi-sexual or is born or becomes disabled?(So as not to say that any of the above things are a disability)

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